It's Not Easy Being the Boyfriend Of A Fan Girl...
June 2013
23 posts
Well just another shitty week of low self esteem, self hatred, along with the combination of imagination and anxiety. It’s just another typical week for me. But don’t worry, I’ll get over it eventually I always do. Just so it can all happen again.
My dad lost 40 pounds in a month and he wasn't even that fat with this. Me and you should do it together I need to drop weight for summer go to bit(.)ly/slimtumblr
Thanks but no thanks. I would love to help if I knew who you were anonymous. I am comfortable with the weight of my body and you shouldn’t worry about your own weight unless it severely damages your health. If you are really concerned about your weight, why don’t you do this activity with a friend or family member. That way, you will have more fun and progress rather then doing it with a complete stranger.
You take care now.
Nothings more romantic then staying up until 5am playing video games with someone you love <3
Kirk and Damian Fan Fiction (For M)
Kirk and Damian’s stood opposite each other, looking into each others eyes, transfixed, both still, both silent. The only nose was the small sound of Laura’s blood dripping from Damian’s hands. However, Laura’s blood acted like a sand timer. What was fast pace of dripping blood soon started to slow down in pace. Both of them still stood there, both of them still silent.
Laura’s blood stopped.
Something in Kirks head had finally snapped. Kirk threw himself upon Damian, throwing his leg up and around Damian locking himself and Damian’s body in extreme passion. Both of them were face to face. Both of their hearts started to beat faster and faster.
“Kirk… were you always this rough with Laura?” said Damian, both amused and surprised with the sudden locking of their bodies, but trying to regain authority.
“If always wanted to play it this way, I have equipment back at my place to make this more….stimulating” said Damian with a sinister but aroused grin appeared upon his face.
“Shut Up” replied Kirk through his teeth with sexual anger and frustration.
Kirk couldn’t keep it in anymore, he was losing to his primitive Id personality. His ego and logic were becoming more and more obsolete. He didn’t care anymore, he just wanted to let all of that sexual rage out. Kirk grabbed the back of Damian’s head tightly, launched his face towards his and kissed him.It then seemed time had paused for both of them as their mouths met. They both fall back to make this special moment theirs.
To be Updated: NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
IMPORTANT: (This was a Parody and a joke and this Fan Fiction should not be taken seriously)
CLAMBULANCE: You're Not Cute. Have More Orgasms. "The 10 Things Women Need to Realize In 2013." (Written by a Man.) →
elasticitymudflap.tumblr.com
So I recently came across this website, Elite Daily. It calls itself “The Voice of Generation-Y.”
The link I stumbled on was to an article titled “The 10 Things Women Need to Realize in 2013.” OK. Let’s check this out…
OH, BOY. What the fuck is this? The first photo attached to the article should have tipped me off, but I was too focused on the name of the author…
That’s right. EDDIE CUFFIN. A dude is about to lecture women on what they should “realize” in 2013. But, not just any dude. It’s says right there in his bio: “THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE OFFICE.”
Let’s take a look at a few of these “things”…
“Ladies, realize that in 2013, you are not cute.”
“Back to to the kitchen women and make me a sandwich.”
Well, shit. Thank you GUY for explaining this stuff to women! I mean, one of the points in this article was about getting men to “eat out your ‘box.’” And all that along with the objectifying pics? What would a girl living in the 1950s…err…2013 do without this article?!
But, don’t worry! Eddie Cuffin has got more for all of you seeking his advice. Gems such as…
“The 21 Signs She’s Expired.”
That’s right, girls. If you are over the age of 19 and 1/2, hang up the boots and please deposit yourself in the closest trash bin.
Misogynistic, transphobic AND he hates Mila Kunis! Eddie Cuffin is a catch!
What a gentleman.
But, don’t worry! Eddie Cuffin won’t leave you hanging now that you know your girlfriend is “expired” like the cold cuts sitting in the back of your fridge…
Eddie Cuffin’s gonna let you know how to cheat on her with “15 Steps to Successfully Cheat on Your Girlfriend!” Eddie says women are like chicken (expired chicken?) and stale bread! The man who wants to empower women in 2013 with cooking lessons and orgasms would also like them to know that their value depreciates over time (because women are nothing but a commodity, duh!). GIRLS, “you’re getting older and not getting any tighter” and by not stopping time you “compel” men to cheat! IT’S YOUR FAULT, LADIES…
“15 Easy Steps to Managing Your Mistress.” Fellas! Your pal Eddie’s got you covered here too! Because it’s 2013 (Eddie’s got a real infatuation for 2013) and as it says right there above…It’s that time in your life, and not just yours, everyman’s life where he ”GROW A SACK AND GET A MISTRESS.”
“Women lie a lot.” You hear that men? Women are EVIL LIARS. Why can’t they just be truthful while you lie and cheat on them?! GIRLS ARE THE WORST.
But, what if you fell for the evil voodoo women and she went ahead on her very own and decided to get pregnant (THE NERVE)? Don’t worry, Eddie Cuffin’s got you covered here too!
“Many poor men.” If only they had Eddie Cuffin’s brilliant mind and knew the “20 East Steps to Raising a Whore” so they could do the exact opposite!
Steps like…
Letting her get involved in fun activities like cheerleading and gymnastics! Only WHORES play sports!
Telling her she can’t date a black man! Because we all know women will go out and do the exact opposite! AND ONLY WHORES DATE BLACK MEN. (Eddie Cuffin: misogynistic, transphobic, and now racist too!)
Put her on birth control at 13! Because we all know girls don’t have sex UNLESS they are on birth control. No birth control, no sex, and there’s like no teen moms in 2013…the Voice of Generation-Y, people!
In case these listicles full of amazing advice weren’t enough for ya, Eddie’s got a Twitter account too! 140 characters of pure wisdom!
Eddie Cuffin of Elite Daily, folks! The Voice of Generation Y (Don’t Girls Like Me, I Am So Alone).
TH IS GU Y„,.. , …………..
wow…this motherfucker gets a writing job but i can’t. fuck. fucking fuck.
I bet this guy is one of those guys that say they’re amazing at sex, but think your clit is in the vagina and when it comes to sex just pounds away for 30 seconds like a jackhammer and has that horrible O-face that looks like he just ate something sour while doing Lamaze.
reading this makes me sick to my stomach. what a fucking…fucker, fuck. just fucking hell.
I’m gonna go vomit now.
What a disgusting fucking pig.
It’s guys like this and who believe in this that make me ashamed of being male.
I DO NOT share any of these assholes ideas.
M IScute.
I CAN cook for me and M, and she can use the kitchen WHENEVER SHE PLEASES. I will NEVER make her cook for me.
Me and M DO NOT need to be sexually active or have orgasms to remind me that I love her.
M will NEVER expire for me.
I will NEVERcheat on M.
I will NEVERmanage/dictate what M dose.
I will ALWAYSTrust M.
I will NEVER see M or make M into a whore.
She CAN go to gymnastics class if she wants, be a cheerleader, or if she ever left me and started dating a black person, or if she was on birth control at the age of 13. She will NEVER be a whore, I will NEVER see her as a whore.
Why?
Because for God’s sake I LOVE HER!!!
I respect M and women. They HAVE a right to do what they want, with what activities they want to do, with who they see, and what they do with their bodies and I DO NOT have the right to tell them what to do.
SO THIS ASSHOLE CAN TAKE THOSE ARTICLES AND TWEETS AND SHOVE THEM UP HIS ASS SO THAT HE CAN ONLY SHIT THEM OUT AND MAKE HIS OWN SANDWICH OUT OF THEM!!!!!!!
I apologise for the sudden explosion of posts, just come back from a week of extreme revision and now that they are done I had ALOT of catching up to do, especially on Tumblr.
WHERE IS THE END!?!?!??! WHERE IS THE BOTTOM!?!?!?! WHY IS THERE ANOTHER POST AFTER I SCROLLL!?!?!?!
Anyway, getting a job soon, working on multiple bits of works so keep an eye on the dashboard for something soon ;)
Sometimes my friends say the most beautiful things.
I do? I thought only stupidity and cheese came out?
I feel like I need to do something crazy and stupid
oh no….. this can only end well…… why do I feel like I am going to get the bad end of the deal!!!
ohbythewayeveryonei’mofftoseeGreenDaytodayinLondonokayyeahbye
Glad you are going/ have had fun <3
